One of the wonderful reasons why I love being in a relationship is that it shows me a lot about who I am, most importantly who I’m being in the moment. My partner is my best mirror. When I practice being with my husband consciously, it is easy for me to see the part of me that I love and the part of me that I need to work on towards the goal of being whole again. When I am not completely present and I am with my “inner chatter”, I cannot see anything. I cannot fulfill my mission of being love because love cannot come in when I am not living in the present moment.
I cannot always stop myself from having upset thoughts. From time to time I get consumed and trapped with my emotions. Anger rises when I or someone has violated my standards. Disappointment is my response to a high expectation that wasn’t met. I get frustrated when I think that I am never going to accomplish a task, and this will be my life everyday–doing something that I am never going to finish. I go into a place of shame and believe that I am an evil person. I think I am unworthy and I choose to just say I am lazy, and I give up. I feel hopeless when things are not going my way or when all the odds are against me, and then everything just becomes meaningless. I get impatient and I go into a place of self-importance. I allow fear to reign whenever I am avoiding an issue, or have an exaggerated view of something that I dread to co-exist with. These are examples of how I could create a great distance and separation from the person that I am practicing to become.
I recently learned an awareness technique from reading this book called, You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hanh that I would like to share in this post:
“A strong emotion is like a storm. If you look at a tree in a storm, the top of the tree seems fragile, like it might break at any moment. You are afraid the storm might uproot the tree. But if you turn your attention to the trunk of the tree, you realize that it’s roots are deeply anchored in the ground, and you see that the tree will be able to hold. You are a tree. During a storm of emotion, you should not stay at the level of the head or the heart, which are like the top of the tree. You have to leave the heart, the eye of the storm, and come back to the trunk of the tree. Your trunk is one centimeter below your navel. Focus there paying attention only to the movement of your abdomen, and continue to breathe. Then you will survive the storm of strong emotion.”
This awareness technique has helped me tremendously with my internal battles. I realized that most of the time, whatever upsets that I am going through, that that’s really not what’s going on. That I am okay and in one piece. Breathing. Alive. I can choose to be awake throughout the process of each event in my life. In practicing this technique I recommend that you go to a quiet place where you can be comfortable in laying down with your eyes closed.
- Breathe in, breathe out.
- Once you are comfortable just being with your breath, drop your awareness down to your belly (one centimeter below your navel) and continue to do this for at least 15 minutes.
- Slowly come back to your awareness (you will know when it’s time because it doesn’t feel as foggy or as heavy as when you first lay down).
- Once you are standing straight, take some deep breath and repeat it 3 times.
- Make a warm cup of your favorite caffeine-free tea. This will help regulate the calmness that you now feel in your body. Chamomile or Peppermint tea from Traditional Medicinals brand are my favorite.
When the storm of strong upset has moved away and all is calm, I can now revisit what happened. When I do this, I am aware that I can easily fall into a place of regret and think shamefully, why did I do this? Why did I feel that way? Why did I allow myself to feel and be that way? This happened on my first attempt to revisit an event. On my second attempt, I knew what I had to do. I have to cut myself some slack and be more compassionate towards my inner self. By doing this, I felt free and nurtured. Above all, I am most grateful for the presence of self-forgiveness that I felt in this event. With this practice I am allowing myself to embrace all of me. The part of me that I love, and the part of me that needs to be loved.
As much as I’d like to avoid these instances from happening, I’m learning how to just let them happen. It’s only when I let things be that I truly see what they are revealing to me and I can use these revelations as tools in life to guide me home to the wholeness of my heart.