Today, I recognize, give gratitude, and offer forgiveness to myself for the unpleasant experiences I had in the past.
About three weeks ago, I felt an energy from my external world trigger a space inside my body that I did not know exist. This space happen to contain some events from my childhood,teenage years, and adulthood that I lived in denial about. This space contains deep-rooted hurt, shame, guilt, resentment, and suppressed anger. This space contains the memories that I thought I have forgotten.
Although I was scared shitless and extremely anxious with this discovery, I allowed myself to look at the contents of this space. Slowly, I remembered as though the events were from yesterday. I allowed my head to show me the things that I hid from random periods of my life. I allowed my trapped emotions to come out in the surface and play. I let it run it’s course.
For two weeks, I met with different stories and emotions. I was sad like never before and I carried the rage of a violent person. I did not know how far it will take me to accept this but I knew to trust the process.
Eventually, I felt an understanding happen between my past and my present–that I may not be able to forget (or hide) these memories again, but I can forgive and keep moving on to my present. Whatever it was or wasn’t, whatever I did or did not do, I forgive myself.
The shift happened when I started looking at it as a great opportunity to be there for myself, to cradle my little child that needs nurturing and love, and to feel the rawness of a powerful emotion that is anger. I am given an opportunity to know and embrace another piece of me. This experience definitely gave me more confidence and trust in myself. It helps to have such an amazing, loving and supportive partner. Our partnership creates such wonderful space for each other, a solid foundation that gives me the courage I need to go through my own process.
I continue to give myself the support and space that I need so I can heal and keep growing. I hope you do the same for you.
Being there for yourself is love in its highest form. I encourage you to always check in with yourself.
In my sitting meditation (alone time), I breath in and I breathe out and then I say to myself, “I am here for you. I love you and I forgive you.”