I am sitting under the sun on our balcony. I am sitting under the sun and I am breathing as I let this moment sink in. I am sitting under the sun. This makes me feel content and happy with my life in this moment.
Lately I’ve been having this intense feeling of longing to hold a child in my arms. It feels like a sudden rush of hollowness in the pit of the stomach, then loneliness followed by an urge to feed the longing.
I get present, the longing goes away but the feeling of loneliness stays. It stays until I find something in my reality to mask my loneliness then it goes away somehow. It’s been a cycle of just this.
I get present and I realize that there are a few more journeys that are waiting to happen before I can continue to explore the meaning of this…this longing. There are a few more things that my partner and I want to accomplish before we bring our creation to this world. Ultimately my own desire is for my heart to have less or no hatred at all before I become a mother. There are a few people from my past and my present that are swimming in my head that I would like to make peace with. Even if they are not in my life now, I want nothing but to forgive them and forgive myself for still carrying this load. I’d like to feel that freedom inside.
I continue to be amazed by the changes that are happening in my life. It certainly becomes more real every day. Real, meaning, I am slowly feeling the surface of the Earth, the ground, and discovering more meaning here. Here in between heaven and Earth. I am opening up to more emotions everyday, I am learning what they are and how and when to approach (and NOT to approach) them through trial and error. I am learning to embrace womanhood while I continue to nurture my inner Peter Pan. I continue to discover what it is to be a part of this, to be a part of a you, and all that surrounds us. And you know what? It does take a lot of patience, understanding, and motivation to play in this playground. My breath constantly reminds me that I am here with a body equipped to survive, this is my motivation.
Now I feel that my writing has come to an end and I leave you with my thanks for allowing me to share this with you.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Denise
This is where I am today, in this moment.
You will make a great mother when the time is right and the gifts you will give the child are a
amazing.
You’ve grown so much over the years and are where your meant to be.
All those from the past are at peace and just waiting for you to join. They forgive, I forgive, you forgive.
Keep being amazing and FREE. Living in the moment using you as my inspiration. Much respect to you both for being real.
P.s. Im also mad they gave Bradley the title over Manny. Just saying.
Thank you so much for your support!
You inspire me.