“Why am I hanging out alone?”
“You don’t really need to…you know?”
“Stop isolating yourself. It doesn’t do anyone any good.” My friend Penny said to me a couple of days ago as I was leaving from her sacred sanctuary in Pasadena.
“I can’t help it sometimes…Sometimes it just pulls me under.” I said.
“Come over. Call. I guarantee you will laugh!” she added so thoughtfully.
I woke up this morning with her words still echoing inside my head.
Just based on my day to day experience of life I’m finding out that the process of getting to know one’s self is lonely without mirrors. Sometimes alone time is immensely enjoyable, other times it gets hollow and lonely. Not having people to share and bounce ideas with creates such a self-centered world. I have tendencies to create so much separation thinking to the point where I resign thinking that I am not good enough. I get in my head about not knowing how to start a conversation, I get anxious. These are a few of the things that I am working on. I have chosen to be in a continuous process of getting over myself and past programmings–the self that wants to separate, alienate, disconnect. Staying present in this process is the actual work because ultimately that’s my contribution to the universe, my presence.
Whenever I show up to see friends, I see the contrast between self-isolation and being with community. The energy that is created when people gather is extraordinary…it gives so much boost on the will to live and the soul is once again satiated from the longing to be in that space, the longing to connect, the longing to be filled with goodness and laughter of friends.
That moment with Penny made such an impact on my evolution. It was a wake up call from the universe.
I am being invited to play. I am being shown a path to another playground.
It feels good to be seen and reminded that I am not alone, that support does exist in my life, that there’s another safe space to be apart from what Scott and I have created together, that there is community, I just have to show up.
I choose to show up. I choose to make efforts to be available for community time from now on.
xo
