My husband and I just entered a new period in our lives, we are trying to have a baby. You have no idea what goes on in my head everyday since we started the process. Of course I feel excited. I’ve wanted a baby for the longest time and now that we are finally trying, I can’t help but feel anxious. I am nervous, almost terrified. What if I can’t have a baby for health reasons? I know that I should get tested for this to clear out my fears and issues around it. But living in America–the supposedly land of the free,being in middle class, and a housewife (by choice) without a health insurance, seeing a health care practitioner is expensive. Such a bullshit system to have to go through for wanting to have the proper care. When I shared this dilemma to my girl friends, they had asked me not to give my bad thoughts the energy and to think positive and believe in my capacity in creating and carrying a baby inside me.
So what I am telling myself is this is me inviting the unknown. This is me “playing with the universe and co-creating with the divine”–these are actually the words that I often hear from our spiritual guide and now that it has value to me, I am holding on to it as my daily mantra. My anti-crazy mantra. I’d like to trust. Trust myself, trust my body, trust my husband, and trust the process. Writing about this in this moment is actually helping alleviate the heaviness that I’ve been feeling lately.
I read a lot of articles online that the number 1 cause of miscarriage is stress. Stress comes in many forms, and it kills if you do not learn how to become resilient. Now my work is to find things to do that would help me from overanalyzing and overthinking my day to day experience…actually, this has always been my work as a housewife, finding things to do during the day while my husband is working to keep me from going totally nuts and jumping in both feet with my hormone driven mood swings.
So yes..exploring new/old things and not being afraid to be bored with myself sometimes is my ongoing work as I actualize my dreams.
I keep getting this question, what do I do these days?
I prepare raw food. I recently met some really good, amazing and talented people who have inspired me to reignite my love of preparing raw food. So this is one of the hobbies that I have incorporated in my life now, preparing and eating raw food. I surf the Internet for easy raw food recipes and then I spend the rest of the time playing in the kitchen while listening to my favorite playlists. One of my favorite go-to site is Rawmazing. This website offers so many simple recipes that you can easily do by yourself if you are a beginner in the world of preparing raw food.
I am taking classes. I began taking classes in Child Development at UCLA last winter. I want to operate a daycare someday and I think that it is a great class for parents-to-be to take because it goes into details on what happens from germination (creation process) till after birth. I recommend this class to all women who want to become a mother and don’t have enough support or background to being a mom. I walk out of class feeling more confident than when I entered. There’s a lot of reading involved and 100% showing up prepared. Somehow I know that things are going to be okay if I keep doing my best. I believe in conscious parenting…I believe that we should give our children the chance to become successful. I am excited to see how this unfolds in the near future. I am excited to meet parents and learn to co-facilitate children!
I am embracing fitness. For the longest time, I’ve avoided exercise because treadmills and other equipments bore me. But thanks to my husband’s countless encouragement, I am now enjoying the oohs and the aahs of sprinting and deep stretching. Also, I’ve decided to check out the intenSati class (taught by a friend), and I find that it is fun and fabulous for the overall mind+body+heart+spirit health. It does help that Holly is an amazing intructor!
I am keeping in touch with my loved ones. I realized that keeping to myself is not a good idea especially if I am going through some crazy times in my head. So I make sure to reach out to the people I love and care about. I feel like for the first time since I moved to the United States, I am supported and I am loved by the people I choose to play with in my day to day. It helps that I acknowledge the fact that I was never excluded to begin with…that it was my own insecurities and projection all along. Pheww! Feeling secured helps me become more open to meeting and having new people in my life.