Is life just a side effect of death? Is death just a side effect of the life cycle?
Whenever I think about my time to die I go to a place where I tell myself that I am happy, I have found my soulmate, I can go peacefully.
Silently my ego interrupts with a question of, “but are you ready?” An immediate no is my answer. At least not yet. I’ve got plans and dreams to tend to.
Death is something I was taught to fear when I was little. I would be chastised by the elders in our province back in the Philippines if they could hear me now (or if they read this blog). You see, I grew up in a culture where death is something you don’t talk about or even think about. It is believed that if you do, it’s as if you are drawing your own “demise” closer and closer, resulting to death claiming you earlier than it should. It is very similar to the “Boogeyman” in this culture or uttering the name “Bloody Mary” five times (and she will come to take your life). It is very urban legend-ish. I guess that belief in my culture is the elders’ way of protecting us from the truth. God Bless them. Really.
I came into this world less than three decades ago. I’ve only become conscious of my own journey about two years ago. I can’t deny the obvious that the physical journey stops when death happens. It is the inevitable. Death is a commitment I made before I was even born. You know this. You made it too.
Now I realize that the only thing I fear about death is to die unhappy or my last words to be, “how could you.” All the efforts of finding ourselves and doing things to make like worthwhile leads to that destination, death.
I consider both life and death to be equally precious. The only difference is that the latter is a surprise. No one has ever mapped that place. To die is fully jumping into the unknown.
It does make me wonder if we will be in another beautiful cycle like this…with give or take a hundred years to experience it, feeling the flow of the air’s magic course through our mystical existence, seeing rainbows and splashes of colors everywhere we go, feeling different textures and sensations, finding comfort in warmth, seeking pleasures in little pockets and wonders of our every day, saying I love yous to one another, or being with sadness when something or someone we hold dear meets its end. Perhaps it will be as beautiful…or perhaps it will be darkness…or even nothingness. Perhaps none of the above.
Life is a transition to death. Death is a transition to ____________. Everything is always in transition. Isn’t it? Look around you, almost everything that belongs to life is in a cycle. How many birthdays have you had? How are you different in your life this year than your life last year? However big or small the changes you’ve actually noted and continue to notice, you are in transit towards the byproducts of the choices you make while you are alive.
Showing up to my life to make my own choices matter. I’ve decided to help my story unfold by constantly creating experiences guided by my pursuit of happiness. I don’t always feel like I am succeeding but I know that stories don’t unfold by doing nothing. I am choosing to honor my death by consciously honoring my life.