I am sitting under the sun on our balcony. I am sitting under the sun and I am breathing as I let this moment sink in. I am sitting under the sun. This makes me feel content and happy with my life in this moment.
Lately I’ve been having this intense feeling of longing to hold a child in my arms. It feels like a sudden rush of hollowness in the pit of the stomach, then loneliness followed by an urge to feed the longing.
I get present, the longing goes away but the feeling of loneliness stays. It stays until I find something in my reality to mask my loneliness then it goes away somehow. It’s been a cycle of just this.
I get present and I realize that there are a few more journeys that are waiting to happen before I can continue to explore the meaning of this…this longing. There are a few more things that my partner and I want to accomplish before we bring our creation to this world. Ultimately my own desire is for my heart to have less or no hatred at all before I become a mother. There are a few people from my past and my present that are swimming in my head that I would like to make peace with. Even if they are not in my life now, I want nothing but to forgive them and forgive myself for still carrying this load. I’d like to feel that freedom inside.
I continue to be amazed by the changes that are happening in my life. It certainly becomes more real every day. Real, meaning, I am slowly feeling the surface of the Earth, the ground, and discovering more meaning here. Here in between heaven and Earth. I am opening up to more emotions everyday, I am learning what they are and how and when to approach (and NOT to approach) them through trial and error. I am learning to embrace womanhood while I continue to nurture my inner Peter Pan. I continue to discover what it is to be a part of this, to be a part of a you, and all that surrounds us. And you know what? It does take a lot of patience, understanding, and motivation to play in this playground. My breath constantly reminds me that I am here with a body equipped to survive, this is my motivation.
Now I feel that my writing has come to an end and I leave you with my thanks for allowing me to share this with you.
Have a wonderful weekend!