I Am Longing

I am sitting under the sun on our balcony. I am sitting under the sun and I am breathing as I let this moment sink in. I am sitting under the sun. This makes me feel content and happy with my life in this moment.

Lately I’ve been having this intense feeling of longing to hold a child in my arms. It feels like a sudden rush of hollowness in the pit of the stomach, then loneliness followed by an urge to feed the longing.

I get present, the longing goes away but the feeling of loneliness stays. It stays until I find something in my reality to mask my loneliness then it goes away somehow. It’s been a cycle of just this.

I get present and I realize that there are a few more journeys that are waiting to happen before I can continue to explore the meaning of this…this longing. There are a few more things that my partner and I want to accomplish before we bring our creation to this world. Ultimately my own desire is for my heart to have less or no hatred at all before I become a mother. There are a few people from my past and my present that are swimming in my head that I would like to make peace with. Even if they are not in my life now, I want nothing but to forgive them and forgive myself for still carrying this load. I’d like to feel that freedom inside.

I continue to be amazed by the changes that are happening in my life. It certainly becomes more real every day. Real, meaning, I am slowly feeling the surface of the Earth, the ground, and discovering more meaning here. Here in between heaven and Earth. I am opening up to more emotions everyday, I am learning what they are and how and when to approach (and NOT to approach) them through trial and error. I am learning to embrace womanhood while I continue to nurture my inner Peter Pan. I continue to discover what it is to be a part of this, to be a part of a you, and all that surrounds us. And you know what? It does take a lot of patience, understanding, and motivation to play in this playground. My breath constantly reminds me that I am here with a body equipped to survive, this is my motivation.

Now I feel that my writing has come to an end and I leave you with my thanks for allowing me to share this with you.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Denise

This is where I am today, in this moment.

I love you, feet!

Doing this as often as I can helps me get present!!!

xo
Denise

I Love You Feet

The best things in life are free.

I Am Grateful

The other day I woke up with the feeling of my feet wanting to take me somewhere, so I drove my car until I figured it out. I was in a familiar place that I haven’t been to in a while, the way to the beach. It is only a 15 minute drive from where I live and yet everyday I choose to stay inside the confines of our home.

It was cold walking from where I was parked going to the beach area, but when my feet felt the sand nothing else seems to have mattered. My mind left all the worries behind and I started feeling lighter. I found a beautiful spot close to the shore. I sat quietly among the birds and I meditated. I played tag with the water every time it crashed on the shore. I took photographs to capture one breathtaking moment to another. I felt a strong connection between the heavens and the Earth. I am grounded.

Looking out to the sea from where I was sitting in what feels like love at first sight, I knew that nothing could be better than what I am experiencing and feeling in that moment.

I thank my feet and my heart for guiding me home, for the places we’ve been, and for the many places that we will go together.

I am grateful.
What are you grateful for?

The view from where I was parked.

As I was walking closer to the beach

From where I sat

Breathtaking

Sailboats

Serenity

This awesome bird kept me company

I love this

My guide